What's in a name?

Names are somewhat arbitrary labels, but they have a profound influence in shaping our lives and personality. I recently decided to change my last name from "Hickman" to "Rivers", and have been thinking a lot about what our names say about our identity. When I ask myself, "Who am I?", my name is always the first thing to pop into my head. But now that I have a slightly different answer, it doesn't mean that I'm a different person. Right? 

Usually when we want to re-invent ourselves, it takes a lot of dedication and hard work from the inside out. But a name change works from the outside in - a re-branding of sorts. Even so, in choosing what I wanted to call myself, I had to think deeply about what label best encompasses how I want to been seen by the world. Although I only chose to change my last name, my full name - Michelle Lauren Rivers - now carries additional power because I chose it. 

Why change my last name?
Actually, I think the better question is "why not?"  It's not that my given last name was particularly bad, it just never felt like my own. I could have lived with it, but since I didn't have to, why not pick something that better reflected how I see myself?
In a lot of ways, I'm not a very traditional person and prefer to have a deeper reason for doing the things that I do. I've outgrown the idea that I need to get along with my family simply because they're my family. I'm at the point now where I see family members I want to see because I want to see them, not because there's some obligation. So holding on to my family name simply because it's my family name didn't make a lot of sense either, especially since I wasn't close with my father after my childhood. On that same non-traditional note, I also can't imagine taking anyone else's name (e.g. after marriage), so choosing my own name seemed like the best option. Given that I'm in the middle of a transition (on the verge of starting grad school), now seemed like the right time to make the change.

Why "Rivers"?
I considered taking my mom's last name (Lentini), but I didn't feel like that fit me any more than my father's. I started paying attention to what I liked about other people's names, and realized I wanted a name that was nature-inspired without drawing too much attention (have you seen some celebrity names?)  I looked through about a dozen databases (which was extremely entertaining) and "Rivers" emerged. I've always been drawn to water, and rivers have a sort of spiritual attraction to me (maybe it stems from my childhood?) As a last name, I think it has a calming feel to it, and it flows (haha, get it?) nicely with my first name.

What's the process like?
A few people have asked me this and I thought I'd elaborate, since the legal process is slightly more complicated than a name change due to marriage or divorce. I hadn't ever really thought about legally changing my own name until I met some people who had done it themselves. The process varies by state and country, but in California you need to fill out a lot of paperwork and explain your reasons, publish your name change in a newspaper for 4 consecutive weeks, and attend a court hearing to get official permission to update all other personal documents. The most difficult part of the process has actually been explaining to various agencies why I changed my name... I guess "because I wanted to" is not an answer they often receive. But it turns out names can be transient, just like rivers. 

One of my favorite water shots.  From National Geographic's 2010 "Water" Issue.

From my mom's property in Washington, where we held our traditional cherry-spitting contest. I guess I do hold on to some traditions after all! ;)